Questioning Phelddagrif

Author: qphelddagrif

  • The Totally Complete and Exhaustive Guide to 1/1 Hippo Tokens

    The Totally Complete and Exhaustive Guide to 1/1 Hippo Tokens

    On March 6, 2026, I skeeted out the following:

    I had thrown down the gauntlet, challenged the Magic community, and, engaged with social media to hold myself accountable to pushing out a real turd of a piece of writing. Yet, my think-pieces are seminal works in the Phelddagrif community, getting 100% of all possible upvotes when they’re posted in reddit.com/r/phelddagrif. I know the people will talk about what I write, because they love to think my thoughts with me. Paradoxically, I set myself up to fail by making this post, which made me a little bit angry.

    Almost as angry as Wizards continued refusal to print an official 1/1 hippo token while this thing exists:

    The fucking bane of my existence

    Hypothetically, if you need a 1/1 hippo token while playing in the feature match area of something like, let’s say, the Magic: the Gathering Pro Tour, you won’t have anything to represent it with! They’ll probably kick you out!

    What is a humble Phelddagrif player to do? Go to etsy dot com and sort through a heap of AI Waifu tokens to find a suitable hippo token to play with? How horrible, how atrocious, how despondently despair inducing. Sifting through the unreal, those that were merely generated to find the illustrated; Who will sift through the tokens made with tools that induce psychosis to find the ones that were made with care and don’t poison the air. It would take a paragon of great moral character to act as a counterweight to the moral turpitude of tokens with AI art.

    Sometimes, in the depths of our deepest anger, we arrive at a brilliant idea on how to escape our flippant social media promises: What if I, Questioning Phelddagrif, reviewed all possible hippo tokens? I have already braved the pornographic sands of the ai-riddled internet for every human generated hippo token one can purchase. Why, it might be a public good, offering a service to the community, while appealing to the lowest common denominator as a rating listicle. And you, dear reader, can’t get angry and say this is unexpected because I’ve done this genre before, you thought I forgot? A Phelddagrif never forgets! 

    Besides, I already have these tokens on my desk next to my extra copies of Intruder Alarm, Seedborn Muse, and Angel’s Trumpets. How long could this take, realistically?

    Realistic

    A token already prompts the question about what ‘the real’ is. A token is meant to be a representation, but they are far from being some sort of ghostly presence that points away from itself. Tokens are game pieces with impact, with heft! Creature tokens can attack and block, deal damage and all sorts of other things! You can Wrath of God a creature token. Could God wrath away a ‘representation’? I’m not sure, and I doubt it.

    Many artists take the path of portraying the 1/1 hippo as a realistic hippo. One you might see in the wild, locked in a zoo, or at your local or non-local swimming pool. These depict the gaping maws, the incisors and the rippling muscles of beasts driven by instinct. And the water, oh god, yes, the water these hippos are in! You cannot deny that it is sometimes a feature as well. 

    Classic Art Token available through Original Magic Art

    These Gustav Mutzel tokens were the first set of hippo tokens I got when I started to play Phelddagrif. The classical art tokens series is a really genius idea. Use what is already there, literally reframing the work into a game piece. The piece itself is great, the wise and weary eyes of the mother hippo looking up at her calf standing on her neck with an impish grin. These aren’t looks of pain, but of a comedy duo performing some cosmic routine. And wow! That foot on the rock in the foreground is so large and ominous. I wonder what it will do.

    Unfortunately, The foot is done a disservice with the textbox giving the title of the work and artist, a necessary addition but one that hinders the work and crowds the foot. Cropping it to focus solely on mostly the head of the larger hippo also detracts a point from me.

    There is a pleasant confusion created by this token as well: which hippo is supposed to be the token? surely that fully grown hippo doesn’t quite seem like a 1/1 (which will be a common refrain throughout these reviews), but this piece has both a baby hippo and an adult. This recollects Ron Spencer’s Bear Cub, which focuses on the cute bear about to get attacked by the first token ever made, while mother bear lurks half in frame, ready to jump in and defend her cub. This interpretation doesn’t make so much sense, where bears have been established as 2/2 creatures, hippos are, usually, larger. So which is the one the Phelddagrif player is giving? How delightful, to give your opponents a riddle!

    But that’s just the art! What about how this functions as a token? Well, you can put it on your board to represent a 1/1 hippo token. It’s flammable, but most cardboard is as well. I dropped the token from a height of 10 feet and it didn’t shatter, so they’re also safe to do that with. I shook the token too, because I saw the Professor do that for his reviews, and the token was shook. Overall, you can use this token to represent something on your board, especially a 1/1 hippo token.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    Hippo Token by Jeff A. Menges (Available through OMA)

    While the last token was done by a classical artist (maybe, I don’t know), this token is done by a classic Magic artist. Swords to Plowshares, Bazaar of Baghdad, Moat! Jeff Menges has done many heavy hitter cards and this hippo token surely ranks up there! The green border is a great reminder of the creature’s color, and gives the token a ‘retro’ feel. I think this is an excellent representation of a hippo token with such a variety of colors from browns and whites to oranges and blues, while remaining grounded and not turning into a psychedelic Phelddagrif token experience. This is, perhaps, the most serious, or the least silly, hippo token on this list.

    But what’s that bird doing there? Is the bird the one doing the attacking? Perhaps that’s why the token is so weak, since many bird tokens are 1/1s. Although there are almost as many that aren’t 1/1s. And with the exception of the chocobo token, they normally fly. Is the hippo meant to be the vehicle that delivers the bird to your opponent to give a light peck? I’m not sure, and the distracting bird will probably raise these same questions from your opponent trying to track the game state.

    But that’s just the art! What about how this functions as a token? Well, you can put it on your board to represent a 1/1 hippo token. It’s flammable, but most cardboard is as well. I dropped the token from a height of 10 feet and it didn’t shatter, so they’re also safe to do that with. I shook the token too, because I saw the Professor do that for his reviews, and the token was shook. Overall, you can use this token to represent something on your board, especially a 1/1 hippo token.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    Hippo Token by Ken Meyer Jr. (Available through OMA)

    KMJ’s token captures the kinetic force of a hippo on the savannah, spittle and blood flying from massive jaws as it lets out a pachyderm war cry. The artist of Mystic Remora and Kird Ape does not disappoint. This one begins to offer an answer as to why hippo tokens are so weak. Despite this being a particularly girthy hippo who, it could be that it is the spittle that’s hitting your opponent that deals a single damage. I don’t think it’s a particularly satisfying answer, but it’s making an attempt to answer our questions.

    But that’s just the art! What about how this functions as a token? Well… you can put it on your board to represent a 1/1 hippo token. It’s flammable, but most cardboard is as well. I dropped the token from a height of 10 feet and it didn’t shatter, so they’re also safe to do that with. I shook the token too, because I saw the Professor do that for his reviews, and the token was shook. Overall, you can use this token to represent something on your board, especially a 1/1 hippo token.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    Rope Arrow Hippo Token (Available through OMA)

    Rope Arrow takes their psychedelic style and applies it to the infamous hippo token. This hippo demonstrates their strength by smashing a watermelon, a Gallagher-inspired fruitsplosion juicing the viewer. I’m a big fan of this one for multiple reasons, but the name of the token being spelled out in watermelon chunks tops the list.

    It’s easy to believe that a hippo in captivity might be a 1/1, having a meekness instilled in it from fellow captive creatures. And, I suppose, a launched watermelon seed would deal more damage than animal spit. The capacity for stupefying acts of violence lurks in the hearts of all creatures, can we really justify this one being so weak when the object of its wrath is more melon than cranium? Lest we forget that these zoo animals sometimes go rogue.

    I heard a funny rumor about this token too, that it was commissioned by someone who is very handsome, sometimes funny, and whose company people sometimes enjoy! But enough about whoever that is, how does this work as a token?

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it. These tokens come in a thicker card stock than the other ones too, they feel a bit more durable.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    Aaron Miller Hippo Token, (Available through the Artist’s Website)

    Aaron Miller is no stranger to depicting hippos on a magic card, so it’s only fitting to use his tokens given the prominent role the Zombified Greatmaws played in the Aetherdrift story by pulling Basri and Zahur’s chariot to victory. Maybe the most lore relevant hippos will ever be.

    Aaron Miller’s hippos stand firmly in the middle between KMJ’s and Jeff Menge’s hippo tokens. Miller’s hippo is languidly pushing itself through the water, but keeping its mouth open flashing its teeth to show that this hippo can do some real damage. The watercolor effect is stunning on the token as well, the discrete boundaries of the hippo melting away as the light reflects off the water. Half of the hippo is submerged in the water. 

    A question about the reality of the beast: is it really there, or is it a trick of the light on the water, and how close will you get to find out?

    This is the first token to be offered in foil on the list. Aaron Miller also offers these tokens in not only foil, but with the rainbow dragonfire signature as shown above. If you’re looking to “bling” out your Phelddagrif deck, this is a good choice. He is one of the few artists who still brings hippo tokens to cons, so you might be able to get one in person too if you catch him at a MagicCon!

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    AmaranthAlchemy Hippo Token (Available through their website)

    This is the most egregiously ferocious of the “realistic” hippo tokens, and it definitely communicates “green” without just the border. It is an interesting take, that the viewer is watching a hippo while wearing night-vision goggles, but the teeth are way too sharp nearing fangs, to effectively convince me that this is really a 1/1 hippo. The lack of pupils and green tint makes this hippo look a bit too much like Slimer for my tastes.

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    Towerslayer 1/1 hippo tokens Available through their etsy store

    These pixel pachyderms provide comic relief:  cross eyes and a silly grin with slightly open mouth. It’s hard to take these seriously and they aren’t trying to be taken seriously. The shade on the hippo skirts the line between the more world accurate grey to the fantastical purple, playing an optical trick that makes one wonder if a purple hippo really isn’t that crazy.

    These begin to start to stretch the realm of “realistic”, but it isn’t the object of study that’s in the realm of the fantastic, but the style chosen to depict it. Perhaps there could be a more photorealistic hippo presented through pixel-art, but these tokens would look at home in any of those old videogames I never played. Maybe Super Mario?

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    The Unreal

    “Questioning Phelddagrif,” You are saying, dear reader, as you sip your beverage of choice before forcing yourself the mandatory gulp the beverage that Society tells you to drink, “A video game isn’t real. A green hippo isn’t real either. Why can’t you understand that these are pictorial representations of hippos and not the real thing. Furthermore, there has always been some gap between art and game mechanics, especially power and toughness. It’s not fair of you to criticize these tokens in this way! And what does it mean to even review a token, especially if you’re going to say the same thing every time?!“

    Which is a very astute observation. Perhaps it is too much to expect an answer to the question why a hippo token is so weak, at least in the realm of the real. Perhaps we should continue looking towards more abstract representations of hippos, marching further into the unreal, there’s no time to think about that second question!

    Chibi Hippo tokens available at Megachibi.com

    A chibi hippo is an odd task. The style’s hallmarks are a chubby body, stubby limbs and a large head, which a hippo normally has. THe major difference for this hippo is the anime eyes, large and expressive with (not just one!) but two reflections in it! While not as adorable as the little freak that Mützel drew, I still find this guy pretty cute! Other than the chibi style, this is a pretty normal looking hippo, not nearly as bizarre and strange as some of the others. Still, the style puts it on this side of the border between real and unreal.

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    RK Post Hippo Token (Available through the Artist’s Website)

    A fixture at most magic conventions, RK Post hippo token depicts a dapper hippo doffing a suit jacket and tie. The hippo has something between a mellow and smug expression on their face, eyes half closed and wearing a sly smile. These tokens are simply fantastic, I would say some top tier hippo tokens and would not be surprised if these have graced many commander games in the past. I’m also a fan of the use of background to indicate the tokens color, an easy enough detail to miss or ignore entirely if you want to use the token for a different use (human tokens seem to come in a lot of colors, and there’s not much sense in getting a bunch of different ones). I am a huge fan of these surreal tokens, while depicting a realistic hippo it maintains the silliness of Phelddagrif. The only downside is that it reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, which is not a very good book.

    Also, RK Post has this playmat, which, while not a hippo, feels like it has thematic resonances with Phelddagrif. If anyone agrees with me, I’ll buy one of these. Leave a comment, or respond on bluesky, telling me if you agree and I’ll support an artist.

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    StarcityGames Creature Collection Token by Andrea Radeck (Not available anymore, get a time machine or scour auction sites)

    This one is the classic. Allegedly. I wasn’t playing Magic for the heyday of the creature collection, a series of animal parodies of powerful Magic cards, or sometimes ones that just had some cultural cache. They’re cute, they’re collectable, and they aren’t around anymore.

    This one was made in 2015, when the options for hippo tokens were more limited than today (I assume, at least), and when more people were probably playing Phelddagrif in Commander. It is also another foil option.

    This is the first hippo token on the list that, while looking a bit cartoony, is also a demonstration of a type of hippo token: a purple hippo. This pool hippo (remember when I mentioned the pool? I bet you didn’t think that was coming back!) is unabashedly purple, not a shade between grey/purple, and not purple because we are looking at it through a purple lens like AmaranthAlchemy’s token. Just purple, unlike any hippo you will ever see out in the wild or in captivity (I hope). This is a purely fictional hippo, and we’re about to see many more.

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    I rate this token 5 hippos out of 5!

    JonnykHarvey/Helix Hippo Tokens available at their etsy store

    The Helix tokens are unique in that these are the only ones depicting an entire hippo underwater. This could almost go in the first section, other than its hue the hippo is rather normal looking. The pattern of the water’s surface is visually interesting, as quite a few tokens eschew detailed backgrounds.

    This token does not have the power/toughness on the token though, which is a demerit against it as a Phelddagrif token. Only because one may, hypothetically, use this token to represent that horrible token you get from the worst card in Magic.  

    As a token, you can use it to represent a hippo, it can catch fire like everything else, you can drop it and it’ll be fine, and feel free to shake it.

    Moo Deng

    Moo Deng was a boon to Phelddagrif. When that pygmy hippo got popular it reinvigorated the token making community to make some more hippo tokens. These hippo tokens do a good job of cutting the Gordian Knot of realistic hippo tokens by being a realistic hippo who is also very small. While it doesn’t really make sense for a full grown Bull Hippo to be a 1/1, baby Moo Deng is small and feisty enough to be a cute little 1/1 token.

    And I wrote all of that and could not find a single Moo Deng hippo token that I couldn’t confirm wasn’t AI. Moving on!

    I rate these tokens ZERO!!! Hippos out of 5 (because I couldn’t find any).

    Don’t feel bad for the little hippo. They voted for Tump.

    Children of Phelddagrif

    Hippo Token with unglued frame by Michiel Schellekens
    Hippo Token byJeremy Carver

    There are many 1/1 hippo tokens that portray smaller versions of Phelddagrif. In some ways, these make sense, perhaps the tokens are meant to represent Phelddagrif’s offspring. It isn’t that Phelddagrif is conjuring hippos out of thin air, but they’re dropping their child off on your opponent’s proverbial stoop in order to…gain trample?

    Steep cost for something so negligible, but fine.

    Hippo Token by CatsAndCantrips available through Etsy

    CatsAndCantrips token is a fun fourth wall breaking example of this. The hippo is clearly a smaller Phelddagrif, standing upright on its hind legs, and holding a sign saying “free hugs”. There’s a little fierceness to the Phelddagrif too, with their furrowed brow, perhaps a hint that these hugs aren’t as free as they’re advertised to be.

    This token is cartoonish in style and execution, the hippo feels like bugs bunny, recognizing that they’re in a card game and advertising their strategy. My only gripe being that Phelddagrif need not only be defined as a group hug commander (they’re pretty good in prison strategies too), but the token being used in a group hug deck makes up for that.

    Token score: representation, fire, drop, shake, 5/5.

    Cloveralters token available through their etsy store

    Cloveralters hippo tokens, also available in foil and surge foil, are adorable. This token generates a few questions: How is the hippo holding the basket? what is it doing with the basket? How is it flying? What horrors lurk in that hippo token’s mind, is that gleam in their eye friendly or mischievous? We don’t need answers because Phelddagrif is an absurd card. Although depicting the token flying on a token without flying could be confusing. Does comprehensive rule 203.1 also apply to tokens?

    Token score: representation, fire, drop, shake, 5/5.

    Hippo Token by Inklin Customs (Available on their store)

    These tokens are adorable, and the second hippo that is under water. This one is a bit of a perplexing choice, one has to wonder what the wings are doing underwater. Perhaps they’re actually fins?

    The tiny wings are great at communicating the power of this token. Phelddagrif’s wings are gigantic in comparison, and if the wings were kept proportional one could guess that this could be an adult Phelddagrif in a different style. Sort of like Secret Lair does to cards you know and love. But these tiny wings suggest that part of the Phelddagrif lifecycle is starting with tiny wings and then growing into a larger wingspan.

    Token score: representation, fire, drop, shake, 5/5.

    Patricio Soler alter sleeve token

    This token perpetuates the head-canon that Phelddagrif’s grow into their wings. This guy is a wrinkly and ugly fellow, I love this chubby fucker. It’s also really neat that it’s an alter sleeve, which gives some functionality to your token (you can use a squirrel, saproling, any sort of 1/1 green creature token). There’s also a complimenting alter sleeve to keep a similar style between your commander and creature tokens.

    Token score: representation, fire, drop, shake, 5/5.

    GK Alters Hippo Tokens available at their etsy store

    This one has nipples.

    Rebellion

    Anything can be a token. Glass beads, dice, pennies (rip), your cat’s claw trimmings? Go for it. It’s meant to represent what’s there, it’s not a real card and nothing says that it has to be a card. It’s about what you want to communicate. Using glass beads? You’re into the classics. Dice?  You probably didn’t come prepared, and you should have. A facedown Magic card means you don’t respect morph.

    So what if you used a card from a competitor such as, say, Yu-Gi-Oh?

    Konami hippo tokens

    Wouldn’t that send a message? That Wizards should watch their back, or someone’s going to eat their lunch and steal some silverware to boot. Not only did Konami give their players one hippo token, but three different arts to choose from! What variety! It’s practically the 3/3 Beast of Yu-Gi-Oh!

    I highly endorse people using these as hippo tokens for their Phelddagrif deck. It might be a bit confusing since they’re “0/0” (which seems much weaker than any other token on this list), but there’s really only one power/toughness combination a hippo token could be (not 3/3). 

    These pieces of cardboard can represent a 1/1 hippo, they’re flammable like the others, you can drop them, you can shake them, do whatever you want with them!

    The Ones You Make

    There’s plenty of tokens you can find online and print out for yourself. Some I’ve already shared (like those baby Phelddagrif tokens I didn’t talk about), but there’s other hippo tokens you can make. For example, you could print the official Wizards hippo token.

    Oh, you didn’t know that there was an official 1/1 hippo token made by Wizards? What am I complaining about, what’s the point of this article, if there’s an official 1/1 hippo token?

    Because that token has been locked to being Magic: the Gathering Online exclusive.

    Art by Jeff Laubenstein as well, very cool!

    I also heard the one below was the official Magic: the Gathering Online token until 2014, but I can’t find anything that confirms that.

    These tokens are not flammable, they can’t even be dropped, and will take no damage from shaking them because they aren’t physical (until you print them out, in which case they’re about as good as every other hippo token). Here are the hippo emojis!

    The Ones YOU Make

    You can also make your own, draw them on scrap paper or use Infinitokens. Afterall, Wizards has little appetite for printing a 1/1 hippo token, they’d rather create a waifu mutant turtle, or anime spiderman or something. The Phelddagrif player has to take matters into their own hands and make their own tokens:

    3 hippo tokens illustrated by dick doofus

    It literally costs nothing to try! I did, and they came out pretty bad. But I enjoy them enough anyways to give myself a perfect score:

    What Did We Learn?

    Any token that wasn’t made with AI art is wonderful, a treasure. Also, reviewing tokens with the same metrics Tolarian Community College reviews deckboxes is probably not the best way to review tokens. We also learned that those are all the possible hippo tokens one can purchase and I did not miss a single one. My collection is exhaustive and complete, and so is this review. Unless someone makes a new hippo token. What are the odds of that happening?

    But, I leave you, dear reader, with this. There’s a tendency for players to desire the same token when they have to make many of the same thing, such as treasure tokens. It’s easier to recognize what’s in play when you only have to keep track of what one game piece looks like. I think the impulse to do this with hippo tokens is there as well, and I wouldn’t begrudge anyone who buys 5 of the same token and uses those for their Phelddagrif deck.

    But I would encourage you to try having several different types of tokens to give out. Think of it as giving the right player the right gift, a token that matches their deck or personality, or for politicking. Maybe your opponent will be more swayed by the non-ai waifu hippo token (it exists, I’m not linking it, I have it though and it gets 5 hippo emojis like the other ones did). Or maybe they’ll get a kick out of the M:tGO printed token.

    It might add a little more color, more texture to the game, make it a bit messier and disrupt the same old stale board state you normally see. 

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  • Emergency Blog Post: Phelddagrif Did NOT Appear In TMNT: What Went Wrong!?

    Emergency Blog Post: Phelddagrif Did NOT Appear In TMNT: What Went Wrong!?

    When Wizards Banned Comedy

    Krazy Kow by Ron Spencer (with some edits)

    On January 21, 2026, Wizards released a terrapin-pun laden statement on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, often abbreviated as TMNT, leaks that occurred during the Lorwyn prerelease. While acknowledging the leaks, Wizards also updated the TMNT visual guide with all of the leaked cards, which were all the rares and mythics from the set. With these 79 cards revealed, and none of them featuring Phelddagrif, it’s a foregone conclusion that Phelddagrif will not be appearing in this set. I mean, they wouldn’t dare denigrate Phelddagrif to appear as an uncommon (despite my constant and loud yearnings and moanings for an uncommon printing of Questing Phelddagrif so I can build Pauper EDH and Clover decks around them).

    Well, sometimes Wizards has a good reason for Phelddagrif not appearing in the set. There are certain demands, and I’m sure that the media franchise that is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has a lot of deep lore to it that can hardly fit into 190 cards. So let’s see what is taking Phelddagrif’s place instead: 

    Oh…hum…well…hmm.

    Funny, isn’t it?

    Transdimensional Bovine is an oddity because, printed 30 years ago, I think it would have fit in with other Magic cards. But, if designed a little after that, it would have banned along with the rest of Magic comedy.

    It’s weird to think, although it’s true, that Wizards once banned jokes from Magic. It’s always felt that humor was fused into Magic’s fused to its DNA like a melted whoopie cushion. Since Alpha, we’ve had wacky cards with some bizarre art. Some may have been unintentional (I’m pretty sure Animate Wall was meant to be a joke) while the art on others communicate the humor of the card’s mechanics. Counterspell, depicting a wizard in a gaudy outfit with their mouth agape as their spell fails to cast, weakly deflating in the air before their rube face: a ludonarrative combination of art meeting card function. 

    The Wizard kind of looks like Louis C.K.

    Flavor text has been another vehicle for the fine sitcom writers moonlightin at Wizards to practice their bits. Grizzly Bears flavor text sounds like an excerpt from an experienced travelers encyclopedia, until we reach the sarcastic final sentence:

    Phil Foglio’s work feels like it’s the Adonis Column of humor in Magic’s DNA . Their art portfolio features cartoonish characters with exaggerated expressions, disproportionate bodies, breaks of the fourth wall, and, frankly, some pretty bee-zarre stuff. And, as Magic continued and started the Weatherlight saga, we would get a stream of quippy flavor text that anticipates the scripts of our favorite superhero movies.

    Sure, everyone knows Magic is sort of funny (kind of). There’s been 4 or 5 un-sets, self-referential sets meant to be goofy, silly, and wild! Buy these packs of not-tournament legal cards and play very casual Magic that doesn’t really work with the rules! And, while there seems to be a bigger appetite for “funny” in Magic, there was a period where Magic didn’t want to be goofy but seen as serious, mature, and dark. Or at least edgy. This shift had serious consequences for Magic, and one creature type suffered as a casualty of Wizards relentless assault on jokes.

    The “squirrel” type first appeared in 1997 in Weatherlight’s Liege of the Hollows, creating 1/1 squirrel tokens. While not utilized often, there were a couple more cards that made squirrel tokens such as Deranged Hermit in Urza’s Legacy and Squirrel Wrangler in Prophecy. Odyssey, released in 2001, saw the first printed squirrel cards with Krosan Beast (a cheeky nod to Might of Oaks) and Squirrel Mob.

    These would be some of the last black border cards printed with the squirrel creature type, and it’s not hard to figure out why. The existence of “squirrels” as a creature type disrupts the suspension of disbelief. It’s hard to convince players that they’re powerful wizards who draw mana from the land to command the elements, enlist the aid of powerful demons, only to end up losing to infinite squirrels? 

    I thought this was the biggest bullshit when I was a kid

    Those things from the park you saw eating a hot dog out of the trashcan? That demon you summoned is losing a fight to that squirrel. Insert 15 Squirrels vs. Emrakul Meme. While creature stats, power and toughness, are game mechanics, and we can only draw vague intimations of flavor from them and should not take them literally, the absurdity of the situation butts up against any suspension of disbelief. So, alongside a move to portray Magic in a more serious setting, Odyssey’s squirrel subtheme would be the last time the creature type would appear in tournament Magic. like Beebles, they would be relegated to supplementary product, mostly silver-border sets where the silliness of the cards could shine, with exceptions to Swawrmyard printed in Time Spiral in 2006 and Acorn Catapult printed in Commander 2011.

    There’s an odd bit of Magic’s love for the self-referential with squirrels in silver bordered sets. Form of the Squirrel is a callback to Form of the Dragon, a card printed one year prior to it. It has a silver border, so there’s supposed to be a joke. What is it? Is it that the enchantment turns you into a squirrel, which isn’t as cool or useful compared to being turned into a dragon. Why is it funny that you’re turned into a squirrel? Because squirrels are funny, they’re so funny you’ll never see them again.

    With this shift, comedy was banned from Magic. No longer were things allowed to be humorous, at least not in a way that would elicit a hearty guffaw. Instead, things were cold and metallic, or based in a culture and history far from what was traditionally shown on cards. If they were humorous, they were erudite facts whose punchlines were dependent on joyless trivia instead of a genuine joke.Their only refuge away from their silver-bordered cage would be an occasional appearance in the art of some card that wasn’t really about squirrels.

    Sometimes both, see I brought it back to Phelddagrif

    The Return of the Squirrel

    Three things are certain in life: Death, Taxes, and Wizards going back on what they once said. They simply can’t help themselves, this time with the Modern Horizons sets taking the place of Unglued for self-referential cards printing Deep Forest Hermit, a reference to Deranged Hermit from Urza’s Saga. Helica Glider in Ikoria saw Magic’s first standard legal squirrel in many decades, and from there the squirrel-damn really bursts, with Modern Horizons 2 having a squirrel theme. Eventually, squirrels would take a steady footing in Magic with the release of Bloomburrow. Squirrels had finally returned to Magic in a way that, I’m sure marketing found sustainable. Magic was allowed to make jokes again, and balance was restored.

    Let’s take a look at these furry denizens of farce, these huguenots of humor, these critters of camp:

    “I said bury the skull, not berry it!” would have been pretty good flavor text here

    Doesn’t really scream “funny”, does it? How about another one?

    Less grim, but not exactly Saturday Night Live either.

    Bloomburrow sanitized squirrels, stripping their absurdity away so that they would fit more holistically among the Magic’s multiverse. They’re no longer mere vessels for pump spells, goofy bits of matter that break suspension of disbelief in the game. There’s a whole squirrel society on Bloomburrow, they have mechanics that help identify their cards. They have a whole culture over there! They have context! And none of it is very funny. It’s mostly about things dying, and while death can be a subject for comedy, these squirrel cards aren’t a great vehicle for those jokes. Gone are those days of the silly cards of yore. We haven’t seen a beeble in decades (this is a lie) and they made our squirrels serious.

    I, obviously, have a horse in this debate. It’s staked out at the races, ready to go, but I fear it’ll never get out of the starting gate. What is it, you, dear reader who I have never forgotten?

    I mean, have you ever looked at Phelddagrif? 

    It’s sweet, and I love it, but this is a goofy looking hippo. A purple hippo with green wings was already small meme in the 2000‘s, now it’s an extremely dated one that has lost any possible context it once had. It’s absolutely bizarre, complete nonsense, just da-da. Phelddagrif’s subsequent printings didn’t get more serious either. This is a card that is steeped in old Magic nonsense, and I’m afraid that we won’t see this nonsense in a Magic set for quite a while.

    And I would love to see this sort of thing again, but it feels rarer and rarer. Lorwyn: Eclipsed feels like an exception that proves the rule, where a lot of other sets feel like they are missing some of those strange oddities that were present in early Magic, like Phelddagrif, Brushwagg, and Vizzerdrix, and replaced with twee and inane cute mascots like heckin-good puppers and small blorbos. Yes, this is just me yelling at clouds but I feel like we’re getting further and further away from seeing Phelddagrif appear in Magic, and I’d like to stop writing these posts someday and lift the curse placed on me 20 years ago.

    And there is hope. Magic isn’t without this nonsensical goofyness, this holds-up-spork non-sequiter hasn’t left, it moved next door.

    Checking in with the Neighbors: The New Silver Border

    Universes Beyond presents a lot of opportunities for Magic that can’t be taken in Magic creative sets. Sandy Cheeks returns to the original kookiness of Magic’s Squirrels. A Squirrel that is an astronaut underwater? That’s almost as unlikely as it being bigger than an oak tree! Things that would not fit Magic setting can be done through Universes Beyond. If you want reference to historical events in your Magic cards, you can do that with Universes Beyond.

    And we won’t have to think about how Magic might converse with geo-political history, how depicting a “wild west” themed world as already empty might be a retelling of the American myth of Manifest Destiny, or how a plane centered around crime, corruption and “being bad guys” that lacks law enforcement presents an odd paradox. Instead, it’s reduced to a reference to another Intellectual property.

    If you want celebrity appearances, you can do that with Universes Beyond:

    You can see this guys dick in The Leftovers Season 2 Episode 5

    And what these celebrities do and who they endorse is their business.

    And if you want guns in Magic, you can do that with Universes Beyond:

    It feels that Magic has the risk tolerance of how the public perceives Hollywood studios, banking on the imagination of previous worlds with their established lore. Sequels are less risky ventures, and Universes Beyond presents us with a parade of cardboard sequels. And humor is hard and doesn’t always land, if you’ve read this far you know that because I doubt you laughed once. Why bother trying when you can be the kid in the lunchroom reciting one liners from Anchorman.

    So, if you want something goofy and offbeat in Magic, you can get that in Universes Beyond:

  • Thread-dagrif: Phelddagrif on the Information Superhighway

    Thread-dagrif: Phelddagrif on the Information Superhighway

    Token art from the MTGSalvation thread for “Show Weakness to Hide Strength”. Art made by the user WolfWhoWanders’ Girlfriend

    On August 17, 2017, the user DirkGently posted his Phelddagrif Commander deck and and primer to the Commander decklist forums on mtgsalvation. Over the next nine years the deck would be updated and tinkered over, with discussion eventually migrating to mtgnexus in 2020. Combined, both threads total over 800 posts. This post is about the that thread thread, one with the most amount of words over the longest period of time on the single topic: how to build and play the most Phelddagrif Phelddagrif Commander deck possible. devoted to this deck: new card discussion, what to remove, strategies and game reports.

    While the thread contains the technical minutia of what players expect when opening a primer (new discussion strategy, game reports), that isn’t how the it started. DirkGently’s primer starts with an alter of Phelddagrif depicted as a saint in a stand glass window. Phelddagrif is reading from a blue book, while holding a small purple hippo swaddled in a green cloth. Their green wings cascade down the border of the card, a white hot burning heart at the center of Phelddagrif’s chest. It is worth opening the primer to see the detail in this alter on its own. My favorite is the power/toughness being represented as chapter-verse notation at the bottom of the alter. 

    P/T from DirkGently’s altered Phelddagrif

    It’s a captivating way to get the reader engaged, quite different from what’s expected from the purple pachyderm. It sets a tone of reverence for Phelddagrif, a bit silly in how ornate it is. The Primer continues with lofty language around playing Phelddagrif: “He is politics become a weapon” “He is capable of winning at the most competitive Grand Prix tables”. The title of the thread is lifted from disruptive pitmage’s flavor text: “Phelddagrif: Show Weakness to Hide Strength”. The thesis of the deck stated clearly upfront:

    “No experienced player of commander could reasonably feel threatened by Phelddagrif.

    Which is exactly why it can win over. and over. and over.”

    The primer is comprehensive. There are sections on deck history, how to politic, how to play Phelddagrif, gameplay, deck composition, different versions of decklists, tips and tricks, a card glossary and changelist. At over 11,000 words, a summary can not do it justice, but to give an idea of what’s in the primer the deck lists call for approximately 20 targeted removal spells, 8 board wipes, and 12 counterspells, and 40 lands, a few of which generate slow value such as the Clue Lands, Scavenger Grounds, and Arch of Orazca. There are no win conditions other than dealing 21 commander damage with Phelddagrif: 6 attacks (without cards like Okina, Temple to the Grandfathers, which is also in most deck lists)

    Okina, Temple to the Grandfathers by by Keith Garletts

    The deck toes the line, trying to sneak under the radar of other players while steering the direction of the game into a 1v1 death match against a weakened final opponent. There can be some deals, but not too many, or you’ll be seen as politicking the table and taken out early. You can cast your permission, but not always right away, or at all, otherwise people will think you’re always holding interaction and eliminated. The pilot performs a high-wire act of playing it safe and appearing non-threatening while keeping enough gas for you to cross the finish line.

    It’s important to figure out how to communicate threat assessment, staying behind on board with the goal of jumping ahead at the end. On March 4, 2019, user Discomute calls this “Bradburrying”, named after the Australian speed skater Stephen Bradbury who won gold at the 2002 Olympics by staying in last during the race and avoiding a collision at the end that took out the other 4 skaters. Your opponents spend so much time competing against each other that they crash into each other at the last minute and the Phelddagrif deck ends up winning.

    This strategy is baked into the card choices. Instead of looking for the most efficient threats, engines, and permission, DirkGently and the rest of the thread look for what is efficient while also being unassuming. Rhystic Study is great, but it draws a lot of attention, and the card draw isn’t worth the attention that the card draws. A card that demonstrates how far the deck Bradburries is the card Conqueror’s Galleon:

    Conqueror’s Galleon by Emrah Elmasli

    A 4 mana artifact that transforms after attacking, the crew cost perfectly matches Phelddagrif’s power. The flip side of the card…

    Conqueror’s Foothold by Emrah Elmasli

    …seems like it was built for the deck. The curve here is immaculate. Turn 4 Galleon into turn 5 Phelddagrif, crew and flip into Foothold. Suddenly you have a card advantage and recursion engine on a land! It doesn’t matter that it costs a infinity and a half mana to do any of that. And, while a pretty good value engine, it looks meek compared to cards like Trouble in Pairs and The One Ring. Yet, the card has no place in the deck. As DirkGentlywrites about the card: 

    It slows the game down to a crawl, basically, a miserable crawl with all the focus on you, where you’re going to win but it’s going to take forever, and at the end people will not be thinking “huh, how weird, that game had so many powerful nasty things happening, but at the end it came down to just a derpy hippo beating face after doing nothing much all game, isn’t commander funny?” No, they’ll be thinking “Well, that Phelddagrif deck LOOKS innocent enough, but eventually it’s going to pull off some lockdown combo so you’d better smash it when you’ve got half a chance.”

    The Bradburry Paradox

    While the sheer amount of Phelddagrif discussion may have attracted me to the deck, what kept me around was the paradox of the deck itself. The gameplan is to be as nonthreatening as possible, while you use below-rate permission spells and Phelddagrif’s abilities to position the game into a situation where the decks only win condition can push you across the finish line. It’s sinister, it’s conniving, it’s Machiavellian!

    And it’s entirely dependent not only on the playgroup and how familiar and receptive they may be to the strategy, but also the pilot, and the pilot’s relationship to the playgroup. What deals are banned at the table? What if the other members of the group don’t like making deals, or like talking at the table? What if the pilot has a nasally voice and the group doesn’t like hearing it? A lot could go wrong here, and it’s compounded by the deck being played in commander, one of the biggest formats in terms of card choice. Hell, I’d love to know how Acorn cards throw a wrench into the cogs of this deck, something that was briefly brought up in the thread.

    Using the term “paradox” very loosely here, this is the contradiction in the deck. It depends a bit on the cards, but it almost depends on the people in the group more. You may play with a group of people who will see someone in last and think nothing of it, and others may smell blood in the water and start to pummel last place even more.

    I think it’s this variance that leads to so much discussion over the deck. As much as the thread becomes about updating the deck, it also becomes about updating strategy, and thinking through the multiplayer way of playing Magic. While the players know the mechanics, the rules of commander are still unexplored terrain. On September 27, 2018, DirkGently posts: 

    “I think most people don’t pay a ton of attention to politics and the nuts and bolts of multiplayer interaction, because it basically just doesn’t apply outside of this casual little bubble. When people are trying to understand stuff like card advantage and tempo, there are loads of people writing on the subject for a competitive audience in 1v1 formats and they’re widely understood and talked about so it’s easy to pick up, but there’s very little scrutiny on things that only apply in multiplayer, so most people ignore it, or at least simplify it.”

    So people begin to write about it, and think about it in the thread. Other people come in and ask for help with the deck. After a certain point, people started making accounts to thank DirkGently for making the deck, but also for help with how to play it. On March 19, 2020 in the MTGsalvation thread. InexperiencedEDH asksthreat assessment:

    “Hello! I created this account purely to post on this legendary essay. Longtime fan of your work but with all pretenses aside, I would like to get down to business:

    I have been a target in my playgroup since as long as I can remember. Unintentionally, most of my decks have turned oppressive. As a new poster, forgive me as I am unfamiliar as to how to link a card. The main decks I play are a Karametra enchantress build, a Meren deck, a Marath aggro deck, and a Marchesa deck with similar goals to this one. After achieving the role of “consistent archenemy”, I’ve decided that I am unhappy staying as such. Therefore, after narrowing the issue down, I feel like my alarm bells are too easily set off as far as threats assessment goes. I must kill that Rhystic study or your commander repeatedly or your Sword of Fire and Ice. Today, I ask you of two things, what kind of cards should I be fine with existing and performing without letting my opponent ascend into an unassailable position? And finally, what is the updated list you are currently using?”

    It’s times like these that the thread feels like time travel: did people really think of Commander this way? The posters wear their thoughts on their sleeves, they aren’t aware of the changes that are going to happen, when so much ink will be spilled (or keys clicked) about what Commander is, how to play it, what you should include in your deck, what the saltiest cards are, priority bullying, EDHrec, efficient combos, fast mana, theory and podcasts and more and more and more. It’s enough to give one a sense of trepidation feeling like you’re about to step on a butterfly. If these posters love Arch of Orazca they’re going to really love Bonder’s Enclave. Spara’s Headquarter’s is nothing compared to the surveil lands you’ll see soon.

    There’s a lot of activity in the thread between 2019-2022, when Commander begins to get really popular and a pandemic. More and more people are suggesting deck edits, developing theory, someone even posts the tokens that their girlfriend made for their Phelddagrif deck. There’s a sense of camaraderie that exudes from the thread in these years.

    The Final Days of Phelddagrif

    In 2024  updates from DirkGently become less frequent, it feels that there are less cards from current sets to add to the deck. Some sets don’t warrant a full set review. I couldn’t find anything on the Dr. Who set.  Alongside the release of Wilds of Eldraine, there began to be a lot more talk about updating the deck, bordering on an overhaul. DirkGently posts that Cryptic Command and Mystic Confluence are ‘too slow’ and needing to include ‘anti-CEDH’ cards.

    Cryptic Command by Wayne England. The 5th Mode is not being good enough for Commander anymore

    In the atmosphere is an acknowledgment that the game has sped up, and for the deck to continue to exist it needs to speed up as well. Cheaper permission starts appearing in decks, posters are talking about including Wash Away. An Offer You Can’t Refuse, which had been dismissed before, is starting to appear as a core part of the deck’s counter suite. A few posts down, while discussing different “fogs”, it’s clear that CEDH power-level decks are a concern, as a lot of discussion around Everybody Lives! is based on it stopping Thassa’s Oracle. A poster mentions that they see Thassa’s Oracle in a quarter of their games. The discussion of fogs gets so intense that the user Dunadain makes a chart showing each fog’s benefits.

    It’s clear that the old point system for commander deck categorization is starting to fail to keep up with Magic design. The idea of this Phelddagrif deck is to be played at any level, lifting opponents who are behind while clipping those who are too far ahead. What happens when everyone bursts out of the gate early on? Games of Commander are much faster now than they were 9 years ago, and with threats getting more efficient, and more value based commander design, it seemed like the deck may have been falling behind a bit and a symbol of Commander of the past.

    The commander bans of Jeweled Lotus, Mana Crypt, and Dockside Extortionist were not discussed in the thread. Dockside could not be played in the deck, and Jeweled Lotus and Mana Crypt did not fit the decks strategy. Phelddagrif didn’t need to be ramped out early by Jeweled Lotus, and Mana Crypt did not provide enough advantage for both the target it paints on the caster for the damage it will deal over the course of a game. Discussion of the bracket system created a brief burst of energy in the thread, posts on what bracket the deck could compete at, what it should compete at, and how to build the deck for that bracket started, but once again slowed down. As of writing, the last post made in the thread was 4 weeks ago. There has not been discussion about what cards from Lorwyn Eclipsed could be added to the deck.

    What strikes me is that all of this, all of these keystrokes spent over 9 years, for a commander deck of all things. Commander is perfect for the modern internet .Each deck is atomized, a reflection of a singular identity’s choices while influenced by the algorithm’s unseen hand: edhrec aggregating card choices, content creator deck techs, efficient card designs from the latest set pushing out older cards. Commander decks are tweets made physical: a note in the cacophony chorus of “I’m an individual”. They’re expressions of self with rare input from others. Outside of CEDH, there just doesn’t seem to be much reason why so much effort should be put into a commander deck.

    Maybe Bradburrying has been left behind in Commander, maybe it’s too slow, maybe people don’t like facing against a deck with 10 board wipes. Maybe Commander players today are more sensitive than players from a decade ago, maybe they’ll bristle at Conqueror’s Galleon with the same sense of alarm as a Rhystic Study or Smothering Tithe. Perhaps showing weakness to hide strength has been left behind to time, and there isn’t room for Phelddagrif in today’s Magic.

    But the thread isn’t like that, the deck is something offered to the community, and the community responds. They build upon the idea, they offer suggestions, it becomes more than just DG’s Phelddagrif deck: it becomes an archetype. One with collaborators, forged in debate, one with history, not a personal history, but a history of its own. It shows a sense of community, a group of people spent time tweaking and working with the deck, thinking through how to play it, what cards are a fit, the strategy around it. It’s not just DirkGently, but Dunadain, LyonHeart, GloriousGoose, KissmyAssassin and many more. It’s discussions about a future Phelddagrif, about which 1/1 hippo tokens to use, and people sharing the ones that they’ve made. And gratitude. What stands out the most while reading through the thread was how many people made accounts to say thanks.

    Post Credit Scene: Joker’s Trick

    When I ran across “Show Weakness to Hide Strength”, I found myself reminiscing about the past. You know, the old days, the ones when you first started playing Magic. My local game store was a 7’x7′ shack and we only played 60 card constructed. The store ordered pizza from across the street and sold it like loose cigarettes. The person who ran across the street to pick it up would get a free slice, worth dodging traffic. I remember the swearing, the cussing, the dirty bathroom and the door that could not be closed all the way, the walls covered in board games, playing in the parking lot outside the shack when there wasn’t enough room inside and scuffing sligh on the concrete. Everything was so tactile back then, so real. I can still feel the breath of my older opponent telling me, after I had lost the match to them in less than 10 minutes, that they were angry I wasted their time because they did not get any better playing against me. Sometimes, the weekly tournament cost more than the $5 entry.

    But that was once a week. Most of Magic was online. It was reading daily articles on “the mothership” or Starcitygames. Lots of reading what others have to say about Magic, about building decks, tournament reports, card evaluations. And, most of the time, spending time on different Magic forums. The Source, MtgSalvation, a long defunct Magic: the Gathering themed webcomic, these were my haunts no matter how many times I was banned.

    So, yeah, I’m nostalgic. I’m thinking about how different the internet is now compared to back then, and I feel like I’m missing it. With how the thread erodes, everyone abandoning the thread, as time marches on and leave Phelddagrif behind, I wonder what have I left behind? Can I step into that river twice?

    So here is the fakeout (double fakeout if you started reading on substack and then moved over here to get the rest of this post), the thread isn’t dead. I made it seem that way in how I wrote about it because it needs an ending, and a melancholic one about Phelddagrif fading away while everyone stands around it in a circle applauding is the best I can think of. I can’t help but sweep my own legs from beneath me. The real reason why the thread isn’t updating as much anymore is that, after 9 years, the regular posters have different interests and responsibilities. Reading through the thread is mostly about Phelddagrif, but there are glimpses into people’s lives: People moving to different countries, getting new jobs, moving again, breaking up, getting married, all that chaos that we order into a life story. Despite all this, the thread continues. Either of us could take up the mantle and begin playing and tweaking the deck, reporting our results back in the thread. There doesn’t need to be a happy ending for the thread “Show Weakness to Hide Strength” because it hasn’t ended, and it didn’t stop being joyful (except for the one time the troll went in there).

    I recently drove back to the old shack where I used to play Magic. It’s still there. The shack I mean, the store is long gone. Which is for the best, I don’t think the space could handle a prerelease. The shack now employes a psychic, there’s a giant neon sign that says so. I measured the shack to make sure I was accurate, it really was that small, and went inside. Of course I didn’t recognize the space, there were no board games on the wall, no glass display case for rare cards. The space, while small, was bigger. There was an armchair with a side table, and a curtain partitioning the seance space. The curtains parted and the psychic greeted me. They asked me what I wanted and I said that I was hoping to get a psychic reading. Maybe they would be able to tell me something about the past of this place, about what it was really like, to help the scales of nostalgia fall from my eyes so I could see the past clearly and have that famous 20/20 hindsight vision I’ve heard so much about.

    The psychic told me that I would have to book an appointment if I wanted an answer. I walked back to my car and drove home.

  • Emergency Blog Post: Phelddagrif Appeared in Lorwyn!

    Emergency Blog Post: Phelddagrif Appeared in Lorwyn!

    Thousands upon thousands of Magic cards printed last year, none of them Phelddagrif. No legendary commanders to wrest the title of #1 Bant Group Hug Commander from Ms. Bumbleflower, no Phelddagrif cameos in art or references in flavor text and certainly no cards printed with that special Phelddagrif creature type. So much pulp pressed and printed only to exclude the plump purple hippo with green plumage.

    Then, on January 9, 2026, Wizards of the Coast uploaded the full card gallery for the first of seven sets to be released that year: Lorwyn Eclipsed. Many players celebrated the return to Lorwyn and its iconic creature types such as treefolk, giants and noggles. Some celebrated the return of early Magic artists such as Margaret Organ-Kean and Jeff Laubenstein. Some celebrated the mythic chase rares of the set, while others gnashed their teeth and wept bitterly that their specs did not pay off.1

    Yet, much like Winston Churchill also said: “Never ever give up!.” And, when the Phelddagrif Phanatics were at their lowest, Wizards finally brought Phelddagrif back.

    But I did not see anyone celebrate the return of Phelddagrif. There wasn’t much fanfare, no trumpets blared or parades conducted. No spontaneous make-outs in the streets, no party poppers popping. No one climbed any flag poles to mark Phelddagrif’s return to Magic, or urinated in any mail boxes. So, forgive me reader, if I’m feeling a bit lonely writing this blog post while I gaze upon all the new Phelddagrifs marched into our lives with the new year:

    Yes, reader, who is going to keep all their new year’s resolutions even though you didn’t need to change for anyone least all need to change for me, these are Phelddagrifs, as well as lions, tigers, bears and many more!

    The Anthropocentric World: There are No Humans in Lorwyn

    Subterfuge by Ilse Gort

    I suspect, dear reader, this is not how you expected Phelddagrif to return to Magic. None of these cards look like a Phelddagrif. None of them are purple hippos with wings, or more normal appearing hippos with wings, or purple hippos without wings but wearing a cape. Why am I claiming that a bunch of weirdos looking like what people in the 1950’s considered a salad Phelddagrif’s brilliant return?

    It has to do with the ability on all of these cards. “Changeling” is an ability that gives a card all creature types. Because Phelddagrif is a specific creature type, it is included with the changeling ability. You can name “Phelddagrif” with Engineered Plague and Artificial Evolution. If you use Path of Ancestry to cast Questing Phelddagrif in your Phelddagrif commander deck you get to scry. Morophon reduces Phelddagrif’s casting cost to 1 generic. These are all things that you can do in the game, and the game rules recognize Phelddagrif as its own unique type different from “hippo”, which appears on more cards, even having a hippo printed last year. And while many words have been gurgled in the dark alleys of Phelddagrif discourse (also known as the Phelddagrif subreddit) over whether Phelddagrif should be a hippo or not, the fact remains that Phelddagrif is still its own creature.

    For now.

    So, yes, technically Phelddagrif appears in Magic’s most recent set (making the “technical” Phelddagrif count an additional 70-ish cards on top of the 2 cards printed with the Phelddagrif type). But I think you know as well as I do, dear reader, that these changelings are not the same as seeing Phelddagrif in Magic again. To say that we got 14 new Phelddagrifs is like saying that Lorwyn is a plane littered with humans. Sure, there are no cards that say “Creature – Human”, but all the changelings count as humans and, mechanically, function as them as well. This is because, while Lorwyn has “humans” in it through the changelings it doesn’t have human synergies or payoffs unlike the cards for boggarts and treefolk. Changelings act as a sort of glue that can strengthen weaker creature type strategies (such as bears or bats) or add extra power to already powerfully recognized creature type strategies (such as older modern humans decks with unsettled mariner), there are many payoffs to playing only Changelings (or shapeshifters) on their own. Furthermore, because Phelddagrif is such a specific creature type, with only 2 printed creatures and no typal payoffs, it’s not really obvious that a creature with changeling really adds or creates a new strategy.

    So, while I’m not marching in any parades, tooting any horns, or popping party poppers. What’s really getting my goat?

    It’s because I can feel the sun retreating and the shift in mood as we enter an eclipsed realm, the calcifying force that cements oneself and halts movement. I can feel their scratchy hands, the creaking wood of their joints, sense their frightening visages of that totally-real-group of people who believe and petition to make Phelddagrif’s creature type “hippo”, despite Wizards have many clear opportunities to update Phelddagrif’s creature type, and refusing each time.

    Against “Creature — Hippo”

    Belonging by Danny Schwartz

    Not many people know that Phelddagrif is not a hippo and that it has its own creature type. Looking at it, it would seem that Phelddagrif is a hippo. The famous features of hippos everywhere are there: the cute little ears, that famous cryptic smile hippos give, the gigantic maw for crushing watermelons, the powerful, yet stubby legs and formidable torso. Most would assume that, because Phelddagrif looks like a hippo, and it makes hippo tokens, it must also be a hippo itself. And there isn’t anything on the printed card to correct that misunderstanding:

    “Summon Legend” isn’t very helpful

    Originally, when a legend was printed, it was not always assigned a creature type, instead just having the text “summon legend”. There were occasional legendary creatures that included a creature type such as the original elder dragons and Rayne, Academy Chancellor, but these were exceptions to the rule. Phelddagrif didn’t have a creature type and was just a “summon legend”. The Phelddagrif creature type did not exist until 2001 with Questing Phelddagrif’s printing in Planeshift as “Creature – Phelddagrif”. And still the original Phelddagrif wouldn’t have the Phelddagrif creature type.

    The typing for Questing Phelddagrif is crucial here to demonstrate Wizards intentionally choosing “Phelddagrif” as a creature type over “hippo” as it would have been the first point where they could print “hippo” on the type line of the card since the original Phelddagrif appeared five years prior. There would have been precedent too, as the “hippo” creature type had appeared on Bull Hippo in Urza’s Saga.

    Can you believe this card has as many different arts as Questing Phelddagrif?

    Perhaps Wizards forgot about updating the Phelddagrif type? Unlikely, as Bull Hippo was reprinted with the hippo type again in 7th edition, which was released the same year as Planeshift. Wizards had hippos on their mind, because they also updated the card type on the first printed hippo card: Pygmy hippo.

    Technically a “Summon Hippopotamus”

    Pygmy hippo set the stage for other hippo cards such as Defiant Greatmaw, Rampaging Hippo, Keruga, the Macrosage, and the famous Lazotep Behemoth. The printing of Pygmy hippo (and Bull Hippo afterwards) created a window between 1996, when the Hippo/Hippopotamus creature type was introduced on printed cards, and 2001, when Questing Phelddagrif was printed, that the card could have been printed with the “hippo” creature type, not contradicting the typeline of the original Phelddagrif.

    Another opportunity for this (profane) possible creature type update would be in 2004. It wasn’t until 2004 when “legend” as a subtype was removed and replaced with the “legendary” supertype. With this update, all previous legends that did not have creature types were given creature types, which mean Phelddagrif needed a creature type update. And what did Wizards chose?2

    One of the weird cases where Magic: the Gathering Online updates the oracle text on reserved list cards

    Another clear opportunity for this (wretched) update would come on April 10, 2006. This was when Visions was released on Magic the Gathering: Online, which included Pygmy Hippo. The original printing of the card was a “Summon Hippopotamus”, a distinct creature type from “Hippo”. While the words mean the same thing, because they are different there would be different rules interactions for the cards. For example: a Callous Oppressor on “Hippo” would be able to take a Bull Hippo, but not a Pygmy Hippo.3 During Pygmy Hippo’s online debut, the creature type was changed to Hippo. Which would have only brought up the numbers of hippos in magic at the time to two, so why not also eliminate Phelddagrif at this point as well and add two more hippos? Yet, Wizards remained steadfast in their inaction.

    Finally, Wizards could have updated the creature type in 2021 with the printing of the Extra Life charity secret lair Questing Phelddagrif, the most recent opportunity across 25 years when either Phelddagrif was being printed or the hippo type was being updated for Wizards to eliminate Phelddagrif as a creature type. Taking all of this into account, a timeline looks like this:

    And imagine how impressive that would look if I had put all those data points on there. Pretty compelling stuff, and not an overdetermined argument against a straw man at all. The overall point being that there has been many opportunities for Wizards to, sensibly, replace Phelddagrif as a creature type with hippo and they’ve turned it down at every point.

    I believe it’s unlikely for Phelddagrif’s creature type to be updated to “hippo”.4 Don’t get me wrong, I would understand if there was a type change to Phelddagrif, especially if there was some typal support in an upcoming set for Hippos, although it seems unlikely. It might make more sense to combine the creature types, like with Cephalids and Octopus, if it opened new creature type synergies for a hypothetical hippo typal deck. Perhaps it would happen then, but only seven hippos printed over the history of Magic makes me think they’re not really going to lean into supporting this creature type.

    But this largely doesn’t matter. For a lot of people5 Phelddagrif is the purple hippo. It doesn’t matter that it has a weird creature type because they haven’t noticed it. If the “Phelddagrif” type disappeared during the Lorwyn Eclipsed prerelease6 nothing would change for these players. Which conjures melancholy thinking of these people haven’t experienced “Legendary Creature — Phelddagrif”, and hope, since they can experience the joy from seeing that creature type for the first time.

    The Thrills of Type Tautology

    Jubilation by Vincent Christiaens

    I adore “Creature — Phelddagrif”. I’m charmed by it. The cavalier attitude towards the early typing of cards, where the name just became the creature type to “add flavor” brings me joy. Enchanted Being is, perplexingly, a “Summon Being” and Flying Men are Flying Men. A Phelddagrif is a Phelddagrif. The tautological type line injects a moment of spontaneity into the game. When playing we’re suspending our disbelief, reading the cards and interpreting what the words mean to glean how each game piece interacts with each other. A player looks up Phelddagrif to figure out its typeline and is met with the card’s name. The game stops and the mind blinks. How much clearer can it get, did you really need to look it up? Taxonomy has hit indexical bedrock. It is what it is.

    The self-referential type line creates mystery. Questions about the card spring forth when looking at it. Why does Phelddagrif have a unique card type? Why does it make hippo tokens if it itself is not a hippo? Where are the hippos coming from? Is this like a backwards mule situation? To clarify through the type line would not bring satisfaction, the pleasure comes from asking and imagining. Something changed in Magic when the answer to “What is a Dandân anyways?” became “Just a fish.” I probably always knew that it was the fish under the water, but I had fun seeing the card as a child and thinking it might be the fishermen, the boats, or even the water itself.

    Updating the creature type halts those types of thought. Specifically to Phelddagrif, a type change would collapse differences across species. The Greatmaws of Amonkhet are different from the Bull and Pygmy Hippos of Dominaria, but all are still hippos. While Phelddagrif would be in esteemed company in this hypothetical update, it would have lost something unique and special to it. Phelddagrif would flatten to mean something that looks like a hippo but has wings, when there’s nothing to Phelddagrif meaning that it has to be a hippo. Each time we’ve seen Phelddagrif we’ve continued to see it evolve and change. Questing Phelddagrif showed some differences from the first printing by dropping the spiked-green wings and purple skin for condor wings and a grey epidermis.

    Questing Phelddagrif by by Matt Cavotta

    While the secret lair Questing Phelddagrif has no wings at all:

    Questing Phelddagrif by by Dmitry Burmak

    Taking this idea to the extreme, the background of Hydradoodle has Phelddagrifs that differ greatly from any other Phelddagrif’s physical appearance:

    Hydradoodle by Mathias Kollros

    Sure, they have the purple hippo heads, but their wings are white, one has the body of a dolphin and the other an octopus. The limits of what a Phelddagrif could look like is where we’ll find the limits to our imagination.

    To go back to the original Phelddagrif, looking at the card Phelddagrif doesn’t need to be a creature type at all but the creature’s name. It’s a moniker for exceptional gift giving, a sobriquet for group hug, a pseudonym for the strange and misplaced. Who’s to say that Sami, in their infinite capacity for hope, is not a Phelddagrif; or that Savage Knuckleblade with three different activated abilities costing three different types of mana is not also a Phelddagrif?

    Phelddagrif looks like a hippo, but isn’t a hippo. It’s form is that of a shapeshifter, all meaning associated with it is too slippery for thought to hold. It’s a bit like a changeling in this way. Both adorable and horrendous, cheerful and unnerving. This weirdness has echoes of Phelddagrif, and in the way that returning to Lorwyn feels like a return to older magic for many players, it also feels like a return to Phelddagrif.7

    And, at the very least, we finally got an official 1/1 hippo token from Wizards:

    The kicker here is that these tokens were in MH3 commander already. I feel so foolish complaining over nothing!

    Lagniappe: Notes From the Lorwyn Visual Spoiler

    Lorwyn: Eclipsed revisits a plane after 17 years, which gives the opportunity to see what’s going on with some cards that have very large fan bases. Like Evershrike.

    Never hear no one say that this should say “Creature — Dragon” on the Phelddagrif Subreddit

    Well, the set can only be so big and we can’t reference everything if the designers want to give Ashling two different cards. It’s unfortunate that Evershrike will be condemned to the same dustbin of Magic history that is barely-bracket 2 EDH….

    What? Is that a reference to a beloved card from Magic’s past not as an updated version of the creature but as an aura that gives a creature flying and can return itself from the graveyard? Very interesting. It sort of reminds me of something I wrote last year around this time…

    I guess we’ll have to keep imagining a Phelddagrif here instead.